I have been really angry since last night. I was consumed by anger. Everytime I think about what they did, what 'damage control' we have to do, I can't help but to feel so angry that my tears keep rolling down my cheek.... I don't want to solve this problem with my group, I don't want to take part in the responsibility to deal with the damage that THEY DID !!
I feel so angry that my tummy hurts, and my body shakes... I have trouble breathing...
This afternoon, I took the courage to draw out a thought-bubble-tree-diagram... with all the thoughts connected to one another... and I wrote down all the angry things and 'unloaded' my anger as I was writing..... and I filled the whole page with all my thoughts... all my reflection... the last bubbles I wrote were... "but I promised to 彼此建立, 一同成長 in this group" and "I have failed".
I didn't even try to build up or encourage my teammate... I was being discouraging and interrogating and destructive.....
So I wrote an email of apology ... I said sorry....
right before I sent out the email... my shoulders were already loosen up and unburdened... I felt
vulnerable.. I was a bit worried about how ppl may respond to my email, what if they don't respond nicely, what if they laugh at me???? ..... but I felt relieved... I felt peaceful...
I knew I did the right thing... This is the power of my faith!! I am so so so excited because I can feel the power of my faith so strongly in my body!! ^^
I am free!
are you?
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Reconciliation
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I don't think you were being discouraging.. or interrogating or destructive.. you asked the questions that's probably in all others' mind.
ReplyDeleteHow angry you are also shows how much you care.
Thank God that you found a way to deal with your emotions.. and he's taken away your worries, your burdens and set you free in much love again.
I... .indeed something that's really bothering me...
I felt sorry for our brothers and sisters.. and C Mo.. that our committee has created such trouble .. and hurts ...I am disappointed at myself being so insensitive and careless.. on some matter that cause pains... ...
I didn't say anything during the meeting. I was super tired.. and I was feeling bad and feeling angry at the same time..... lots of things I just couldn't understand..
Maybe I have hold too much expectation of others. . or leaders.. everyone has their own weaknesses... me too and I have seen them so clearly through this event.....
I know and I am grateful that .. brothers and sisters are being gracious so that the problems can be solved and we can still have an enjoyable night to give our beloved parents.. uncles and aunties our appreciation out of sincerity.
I am praying to God for a heart to be unbiased.. to be understanding.. to be discerning... to be gentle and not judgmental.. to be loving... and pray for the courage to voice out.. I pray that I would be able to do the right thing too.. and pray that we all grow from this..
...
Viv, Thank you for your sharing.