Failure

My job interview today was a big failure.
It's my misconception that QA/tester is an easier role comparing to developer. (Developers usually appear to be more honorable because they are the ones who deliver the results/outcomes/solutions...) I see and "perceive" things on the surface. I think I just have been hugely mistaken about the role. Truly, Nothing is easy when it gets into depth. I have overestimated myself and thought that my so called "experience" in testing would allow me to be competent for this job.

I wasn't able to answer the questions the QA Manager asked me. Those are fair questions for the applicants of the QA/tester role. Unfortunately, my testing knowledge and skills have been on the surface. =( I wasn't even confident in saying what testing is for?... =( "How would you go about testing a phone set?" ... ...My answer was just a mess. haha... ai.. =(

The interview was pretty short.. and the Manager didn't even ask me for my references although the recruiter who contact me yesterday asked me to bring the information...

He did give me the chance to ask him questions at the end of the interview... I asked how he would go about testing the phone set (Yes. The question he asked me earlier.) ... I was truly curious to know how a true professional QA would approach this problem. ... and I think I have learned something from what he said. The essence is? It's a very complicated problem and you need to narrow it down.

I left there, feeling disappointed, discouraged, down.... On my way home, I have thought about what I have been doing these days... looking for jobs... but.. how many of those I have applied to I am truly interested in? few... What am I doing?
When the Manager asked me what made me interested in testing.. I went blank... I tried to find something to say.. while being afraid that what I said might not be a satisfying answer.. ??? What was I doing there?

...

What should I do? ...
What is my gift? Where is it? ..
Is there something for me?
...
God...
how could I listen to you..
hear you
more ?..