Family...

When it comes to Family..  whatever I do.. just leaves me with guilt..  cuz ... I am totally different when I am with them than with others.  It just feels like I have become a different person when I am with my family... a mean and an ugly self... , so impatient.. ..and bad tempered.....
....Maybe that's just my true self? ..

It's my attitude? ... yea... partly...
It's my selfishness... yea... I think so...
I am cold - blooded? .... Am i?..
...

I love my family.. I think I do. I am trying.. to love them with actions.. but at the same time I really don't know how... ...Whatever I do.. I regrets? ... I wish I could have a better attitude... I wish I could have been more caring and loving... I wish ...  Why is it so difficult? ... how come it's just so hard for me?.... What's wrong with me?...
....

Family is such a familiar and yet unfamiliar part of my life.. ?....
Family so far.. is bitter more than sweet...
Family... I feel so guilty..and so disappointed at myself... that I don't love you enough...
Family... I wish i could be a better member in the family..
Family... how can I love you better?....
Family... I hope I can really learn to love you... by heart.. by words.. by action.
Family... would you forgive me for all my bads and ... selfishness? ....
Family.... It's my family...?...
it's my family..