One person

Loneliness is not an unfamiliar word..
Not just that I know of this word.
or sometimes see or hear about it...
When I was back home during Chinese New Year this year...
One day, my Grandma lying in bed telling me that.. She's feeling so lonely..(living by herself..though there's the maid who's hired to take care of her..) She wished my Mom could go see her... but she might not know that... something she said quite awhile ago might still be hurting my Mom... and that's why. she's not coming?... I was speechless.

...Being here myself.. , I do feel lonely from time to time too ..
Loneliness has been part of my life.

Abandonment is not an unfamiliar word...
But it's relatively new to me.
I found it so cool? that me and my Brother could go anywhere we wanted while we were little.. many friends of us were forced to stay home by their parents.. but we weren't. me and my Brother could try anything we wanted ... and we could hid them so well behind our parents..? stealing.. smoking...

Feeling abandoned has been part of my life? ...


"Do you have enough money to spend?..."
"I will send you more money... ".. These are My Dad's.. words over the phone from time to time.

He's been working so hard... My Mom used to "joke" that,"your Dad's married to his company.." My Mom... She's been working so hard too... not for company but just the money.. and us (me and my Brother)?..

They have both worked so hard.. for me and my Brother over the years.. and how could I still feel being abandoned? ... and how come even though I know they have sacrificed so much .. for us?... and how come even though I know they care so much about us.. I don't feel that we are being cared... ?

How can I ever trust anyone would truly care?...

and this is part of my life?...


... It's ok. When you get used to it.. it will be ok.?


How could I still be complaining when I am living such a comfortable life?
I have so much.. I am so much blessed..

I know.

and There's nothing we could do to undo what's already happened..
but ...

There's so much we can do to make better what's going to happen.
I am not good at it
but...

I will try.
and I know I am not one person.