Do I know what I want?

I think I am sympathetic with those who don't know what they want?...
If you don't know what you want, you probably don't know where you are getting either.
Life without a knowing destination can be quite daunting...

Lately, I tend to avoid people, avoid seeing people, avoid eye contacts, avoid talking to people, interacting with people ... I fear people... My no.1 fear is people. I didn't really think about what my fears could be and what my no.1 fear would be... until... at the Elisha game night...without any preparation... Ken asked me about it.. Yea. People is my no.1 fear, I think, that's no mistake.

It's very contradictory? Cuz I also told Ken, people is my fav animal? and my fav hobby is meeting people? (background info..for the purpose of the game, Ken asked each of us couple of same questions.)

Life is about relationships... I'd like to say. obviously, relationship with other people makes a major part of it...

So to answer my question... Do I know what I want? then, I ask myself Do I know what I want ... in my relationships? Past? Present and Future? The past can't be changed. Why bother with the past? because ... my past has shaped today's me? Past Present and Future is never independent of each other .. Even though I don't want to admit..but it's true that all these years I have locked part of myself in the past... Part of me lived in the past, part of me lived in the present, part of me lived in the future... and ... I was torn... Yes, things that have happened can't be changed. What about unhealthy emotions and feelings, lingering from the past, accumulated till today? Can they be changed?

Mistakes.. misunderstandings... miscommunications... ... how much more can I afford to miss? Do I know what I want? Do I know what I NOT want?

Life without a knowing destination ...
where I meet the intersection of many roads. ask myself... Where to go?
... Slow down... before knowing where to go... make sure not to derail...

Think about it. I should be grateful that I have the many choices.

and think about it...do I know what I want? boiling down to... Do I know myself? Once again.. it's this question.. Do I know myself?

If I know myself.. I will know where I want go.. as for How... maybe not so sure yet... but i can trust the Voice and walk in Faith. He will liberate and guide me through.

Now I tell myself... relax ... breathe... and smile...
Sleep is what i want.
so I go.