Why are you here?

"Why are you here? ... there must something that attracting you to here... maybe the ocean feeds your soul? maybe something else? there's must be something.. I believe."

I went kayaking with a few friends last Saturday. We took transit from downtown all the way to North Van Deep Cove. There's a beautiful ocean there... There must be something wrong with me.. to decide to go on this trip? Cuz I don't have UPass. When my friend asked me to go.. there's only me and her going .. and I knew that I had a workshop to go to in the evening that day..I had previously told Joyce I couldn't make it to her Birthday that day to reserve energy for the evening workshop..and there's CCF meeting in the afternoon i could have attended.. but then I decided to go on this kayaking trip?? Nothing's wrong with kayaking per se...I was glad to be invited.. but it's just not me to decide to go with all that in mind... What's wrong with me? hahaha.. i don't know..

Anyways, there's lots of visitors there that day because of the good weather.. and the kayaks are all out when we arrived .. we had to wait more than 1 hour for our doubles. Standing in front of the boundless ocean.. I felt relaxed... but I think my mind was still heavy and my heart was still burdened.. I guess I wanted to put aside my thoughts and just to have some fun so I decided to go.. but I didn't seem to able to put them aside... I was there physically.. but I was somewhere else mentally and emotionally...

When we were kayaking out in the ocean... we heard someone saying "hello" to us from the house along the shore... we "hello" the person back.. when we were about to go back .. we saw two aged ladies playing with a dog on the wood platform sticking out from the shore into the ocean.. one of them seemed to be the one who waved us "hello". My friend decided to ask them to take a pix of us.. so we approached them. The lady who waved us "hello" seemed to be very glad to see us to come.. she's very excited and started talking to us.. asking where we were from and telling us her life story... She asked/said,"Why are you here?... there must something that attracting you to here... maybe the ocean feeds your soul? maybe something else? there's must be something.. I believe". ...

I couldn't stop thinking about this question, "why are you here?"...
I was there that day because I was trying to run away from my reality? I was trying to hide but failed? I seemed to be doing this quite a lot lately... I have been absent-minded too constantly ... including last night's practice..

Sorry Father.
Sorry Erico and Vivian. .. Jessica, Daisy and Peter..

Thank you Erico and Vivian.. for bearing with me lately my childishness.... my irresponsibility, my absent-mindedness,my constantly changing mind, my indifference and heartlessness...

It's normal to feel confused. It's just part of the journey in life.
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It's my life to shape and experience, I need to do what I truly enjoy and care about.
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I am where I am because I am who I am.